Lies and other weird stuff Indian parents told !!!!

 

  • On a long trip…

“we are almost there”,, (we were ‘almost’ there like two hours ago)

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  • ‘be grateful and eat all your food, other kids around the world are starving” (still trying to figure out how I helped stop world starvation by eating all my food)

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  • “Don’t swallow the seeds or else a water melon/orange/nartjie, etc will grow in your stomach” (I was terrified of this every time I had a stomach ache, picturing tiny branches growing out of my belly button)

 

  • “Babies came from Aeroplanes”  (no wonder we ran outside every time we heard an Aeroplane, in the hope of seeing a baby ‘delivered’)

 

  • If you cross over someone lying on the floor, that person will stop growing.

 

  • “Do that one more time and you are going to boarding school” (20 more times, and u still here)

 

  • “Cracking knuckles is bad luck, you are calling the devil” (actually cracking knuckles is healthy for your bones)

 

  • “The park is closing, we have to go”

 

  • “We’ll see”  (which Loosely translated means ‘NEVA’)

 

  • “Keep making funny faces, and your face will get stuck that way” (mmmmm, the no.1 reason for self esteem issues)

 

  • “Stop swinging your legs, it’s bad luck” (here’s that ‘bad luck’ line again)

 

  • “Injections don’t hurt at all” (ya right, only until u see that scary looking school nurse with that scary looking injection in her hand, you feel the pain before you even get the injection)

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  • “7 years bad luck if you break that mirror” (okay so 7 years multiplied by all the other mirrors I broke in my childhood….ohhhhh ohhhkay, that explains life, lemons, bills, taxes, etc etc)

 

  • “Do that ONE more time and you’ll see what I’ll do to you”……. (how come we never caught up with this…because there were definitely more times we did what we were not supposed to do,,,,and nothing happened, but still, we were terrified of those words)

 

  • Your tongue is going to get black If you lie (not for any other reason like, debris, bacteria and other organisms collecting on the papillae which results in discoloration….Noooooo, it’s black because you told a lie).

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  • Wait until your father gets home, you’ll see…. (no other words were more terrifying than that…..nothing ever happened,,but we behaved because we didn’t want to ‘see’ what happens when our father gets home)

 

  • When you hurt yourself:

White mums “aww sorry honey, let mummy kiss it better for you”

Indian mums “good, carry on jumping like one Bandar (monkey), you’ll learn”

 

  • And WHY did Indian parents always include what you asked for in their scolding: ME: “Mum, can I go to the class party on Saturday?”                          MUM: “Class party? what class party? Go to your room and go make nice class party there by cleaning up that mess…..(and then mumbles under her breath)  mmmmphh, gone too big to go class party…wait till your father comes home!!!”

        

  • Nobody knows worse pain than when your mother brushed your hair and you kept moving around….and if she was angry with your father, then you really had it.. (death by ‘brush strokes)

 

  • When I was your age…… (that age old adage…..will it ever get old.

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  • As for Wooden spoons, bleh….. that was for sissies…the real pain was when you caught it with the Indian ‘champal’ (slippers)naija_beating_2